Changing In Relationships

This is going to be a rambly post with no real conclusion. I’ve just got some thinking to do and this type of platform will actually get me feedback other than my own thoughts bouncing around my skull.

So relationships man. I have a boyfriend and have had him for over 4 months and he’s great and I think this is the first time I’ve mentioned him? He’s my cool heartssecond boyfriend but the first was in grade 11 so in retrospect I don’t think it counted as much. Not that I’m saying at 19 I am old and worldly and totally ready for romance and everything that comes with it. I’m just trying things out, I have no clue what I’m doing to be honest.

Something that’s been on my mind a lot though is changing, or not changing, for said significant other. Specifically, what is the proper protocol? I’ve always heard staying true to yourself is the way to go and that if he really loves you he’ll love all your flaws and quirks and I think that’s adorable and great. It’s the dream! Having someone who  thinks everything you do is perfect even though it’s really not.

But on the flip side there’s the notion that for a relationship to work you always have to compromise and put the other person first. That it’s about two people now and not just one. Which is a pretty key point if both parties are going to be happy being around each other. It’s definitely impossible to find someone who  shares every single interest and opinion with you so things are inevitably going to clash.

Having these two opposing points that are both valid in my opinion, what’s a girl to do? (Or anyone actually, I just like the fact that that’s already a saying.) Having mulled it over before spilling my thoughts onto my keyboard, I feel like it’s a matter of time??? Perhaps the first point, not changing too much for somebody else is really important at the beginning, when you’re first dating and figuring out that you like each other because you want to fall for the actual person, not the image they’re projecting in efforts to make themselves look more appealing. And making sure you are still a human being that can function independently of your partner is important too.

So the question is, at what point is it okay to make the transition? How far into a relationship? Is it just a thing for when you’re married? Or you live together and things like who gets what side and which way the toilet paper should face have to be decided on? Maybe I’m looking at it all wrong and these two things coexist the entire time?

If anyone has some light to shed on the situation, that would be particularly helpful because I am a cautious person that never jumps into anything without having her facts straight and since this isn’t so easily google-able, other people’s experience and wisdom will do just fine.

Also his name is Alex and he’s very cute.

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