…and how I waste it.
I lead a fairly busy life. I’m in a demanding program at university, have a part-time job, am active in my church and sometimes, occasionally, hang out with friends. A lot of my time is spent either commuting or just otherwise not being at home. Which is great, I love doing all the things that I’m involved in right now. The thing is, when I get time to myself, it just goes to waste. It’s just sad watching me create a trainwreck for myself.
It seems like I only get things done when it’s most definitely the last minute. Even things I enjoy I put off. Like I can be home for the day and have just 3 chores to have finished by the time my mom comes home yet every single time, it’ll be an hour before and I’m scrambling to multi-task all three or at least make it look like I’ve put in the effort to have them done. And I say I’ll do the easy peasy assignments as soon as I get home just to get them over with, y’know? But, of course, it’s either really late at night or the morning of when I start it. What is wrong with me?
I’ve tried many tricks like rewarding myself for getting specific tasks done but I just rebel against myself and get the reward even though I don’t deserve it. I attempt to strategize by making lists and numbering them off in order off importance but this only makes a dent if I make a million and three items to check off by breaking all the steps down into microsteps. I even do the classic pretend-it’s-due-earlier-than-it-actually-is trick which works surprisingly well. Like if I say I need everything done after the weekend, magically it will all get done and I’ll have some extra time to waste later on. This way, I still feel like I need to finish the work so the last minute panic is there egging me on. But a lot of the time my brain can see through the lies and knows I don’t actually need to have it done and so I don’t even though I have all the time in the world.
It’s a real dilemma and I shall try my best to completely eradicate this habit for my next semester of university by we all know that’s not going to happen. Oh well. Slowly but surely making progress? Hopefully.